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  • Brian Fishbach

A Free Idea for WWE Creative—A New Gimmick and His Natural Rival Returns

I have no interest in being a writer for WWE. I don't even enjoy looking at rumor blogs. That said, I have an idea based on a pun about a gimmick from the early 1990s.

Remember Repo Man? He looked like an impound-lot Zorro. Black eye mask, trench coat with tire treads on the shoulders. Portrayed by the great Barry Darsow, who you may also remember as Demolition Smash.

So here's the free idea for WWE creative. Crypto Man.

Crypto Man needs to be an ace on the microphone, cocky, condescending, and always encouraging fellow superstars to listen to his fawning about how "the future is crypto" and that "crypto never sleeps."

He's a twentysomething Bitcoin millionaire. He rabbles on and on about how there's no centralized bank, it's the currency of the future, and his finisher is called The Blockchain.

His theme song is just a remix of Repo Man's theme, just with "Crypto" replacing "Repo."

Naturally, Crypto Man's holdings take a nose dive—and for extra publicity, perhaps the storyline fluctuates with the crypto markets. At some point, he's lost a ton of his unbacked securities after someone steals his treasured flash drive credentials he wears around his neck. He can't get in the account.

Pretty soon, he can't pay his bills and he gets a visit from...Repo Man.

Repo Man returns to the WWE to say that "you say that crypto never sleeps, well while YOU sleep, Repo Man repossess your bitcoin-backed bungalow!" And chases the line with his high-pitched snicker.

Repo Man dispatches a yet-to-be-named anti-crypto everyman to feud with Crypto Man. When that comes to a head at Wrestlemania, Irwin R. Schyster returns to the ring to have Crypto Man served with a pile of paperwork to address his dubious tax returns.

Watch as the ratings climb with viewers in the 35-50 age demographic start to tune in to Raw every Monday night to watch and enjoy with their young children.

WWE writers, get to it!


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